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November 19, 2009


Susan Ramey Cleveland

Being alone isn't my problem. I've always been able to entertain myself. Missing Vann is my problem. One year ago today, he was diagnosed.


Being alone during the day is hard enough, I can't really imagine not having my daughter and DH come home most nights. I do find it isolating at times. I used to volunteer, and hopefully will again soon, to help fill the time. But I also do grocery shopping couple times a week, and things like that. Do you live close enough to a market to make it a daily/semi-daily thing to walk? Take an hour or two a day, chat up people there things like that? It can be a great way to a) be active, b) meet new people, c) support local business and d) do something new.

Cathy McMann

Not a problem for me, my husband is a teacher so he is home just about every night. Grading papers, but home. But my sister deals with lack of spouse a lot because her husband travels for business a lot. She tries to see her women friends during the week, especially the ones they are not "couples friends" with. She also has a monthly book group and a volunteer position with a community cancer-awareness-and-education group. You might try making a list of a few things you'd like to accomplish in your isolation time and then focus on them as that will give you something to do that you feel good about. Good luck with it!


I feel your pain! When my hubby traveled and the kids were home - no problem. Then his position at work changed and he was home all the time and I got use to that real fast! Major job change and move and he was gone for 2 weeks at a time and then I only got to see him Friday night to Sunday noon - I was a sad and lonely puppy. Now, we are settled in our new location and back together. What I learned from that time of being apart is that I not only want to be with my hubby - I need to be with him. So, you will get through this and when you do - your relationship will be stronger - because you will appreciate it more! Enjoy your time with him when he is home! Also - try cooking one night during the week and freeze "serving sizes" and after a couple of weeks you'll start a stash in the freezer - it helps!

Anne Bebbington

I was alone between losing my previous partner in an RTA and meeting Nigel - to be honest my phone bill was astronomical and the understanding and generosity of the close group of friends each of whom I would sometimes phone several times a night was equally enormous

Since meeting Nigel and having the kids in close succession afterwards I don't get much time on my own so relish it when I do but I know exactly where you're coming from and send you (((hugs))) to cope with it


Aww, Nicole, I feel for you. I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine it must be so lonely. You've got lots of friends in Blogland, but it isn't the same, I know!

You're going great guns on the snowball challenge. I have one more swap package to come in, I think. Hope you liked the little extra FQ I threw into yours!


I have almost always lived alone, and then traveled for work which = many nights alone in different towns, sometimes for 3 weeks. Then I married a truck driver and we lived in a town of 160. That was isolation. I got to be good friends with the Post Master! There were lots of phone calls from the road. Then we moved so hubby could get off the road and he passed away 4 months later. Now I'm back to being on my own. Thank god I quilt! and I have my husbands dog. I spend a lot of time alone, but I am rarely lonely. Big difference.


I guess it must be my loner personality. I'm home all day alone and I love it. At first I felt really guilty and then I began to appreciate it for the ability to read a lot and sew, watch old movies, etc. About 11 years ago, I began working for the Food Pantry in our village. It's only a few hours of actual be-there activity but at least there is some social quality to it. The rest of my job is providing secretarial work. Thank you letters to donors and fund raising info, or grant writing. In a months time I write about a hundred letters and many more at the holidays. My best friend works at the library. When I'm fed up with writing, I go and visit her for tea or lunch. Give it a chance. Maybe you'll find something that will help fill the time.

Mrs Moen

Oh, Nicole; it takes some time to get used to enjoying being alone. My husband was commuting when we met, so I was used to seing him only in the weekends. Now he has been working in our home town for several years, and that took some time to adjust to as well... Now I don't want him to commute again, but I sure enjoy having the house to myself for a week now and then:-) We are moving into a new fase of our lives with an empty nest (most of the week) and I'm sure there will be some new adjustments going on here.
Being alone is one thing; being lonely a whole other story.

Christine Thomas

Happiness is sewing on my snowball quilt with my dog in my lap.
I've received 4 of 6 swap packages. I need to go check to see who's still out.

Allyson in Alaska

Nicole, I am so sorry you're having a tough time of it. I can't imagine having Keith gone all the time. My father worked out of town when I was little and would come home on weekends. I remember my mother really having a difficult time being a "single mother". You're doing a good job keeping yoruself busy, and thank goodness you have Sophie. She must be a real comfort when you need company. Hang in there. Hopefully this arrangement will be short.

Sherry Brandt

perhaps the worst part is not having a plan. When my husband was still working he left Monday morning and came home on Friday night or Sat. morning. We had very little time together and he needed me time when he was home. So I joined a few groups,a book club, a painting group and a sewing group, volunteered for comittees at church, soon I was too busy and had to cut back, but I still got lonely sometimes more than others. Having a sister to call helped but still there is no magic answer. Just hang in there and keep going. Sherry


I checked out Thelma's snowball blocks (gorgeous) but how cute are those Santa shoes? I hope you are settled sooner than later - life throws us such curve-balls.


Sometimes, I am a bit of hermit and then I am reminded of my need to have social connections. My beloved is home most of the time but life sometimes gets full of other committments and there is very limited time together. Some other bloggers have made some good suggestions of joining a group that interests you, or going out with girl friends during the week.
Personally, I find that by the time I am home after working all day, I am too tired to do much. Sometimes I feel like an old woman :-) after looking after 26 kindergarten kids all day..

I guess the one thing I would do if I were in your circumstances, I would plan to do something fun with my spouse. I know I would find it easy to try and catch everything up that had needed to done around the house, and the weekend would be gone without much quality couple time.
In the meantime, You continue to make beautiful quilts and write thought provoking posts. Sophie continues to be a source of entertainment too.
Warmest Regards,


Nicole, I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely, I've found the loneliness comes and goes. I try to do and eat things that my husband does not enjoy and that I do not do when he is home. Go out and buy ONE place setting of some wonderfully indulgent china to eat your meal off of, even if it's a leftover sandwich. Only use it when you eat alone, to make the meal special.

My daughter lives alone and has no problem cooking for herself, I personally prefer to use the time I would spend in the kitchen on something else!

As with most things, some days are easier than others.


Sometimes I really like being alone - especially when I need to study, but it has it's limits!


I can totally sympathize, Nicole. I hope I won't have to be alone in my future.
My husband is a truck driver and has been laid off since June. He was offered a job driving, but it was leave Monday morning, come home Friday night. He turned it down. There are plenty of those " over the road " type truck driving jobs, if we get desperate, he will have to consider that. For now we will hang in there and hope a " local " driving job comes along.
My children are all grown and on their own, too.
Hang in there.


I have been divorced, no children for 17 years. I can't imagine having to worry about anyone but me. If this truly had to be the rest of your life you would find other ways to fill up the void. Yes, sometimes I wish it were different, but we have to play the cards we are dealt. Hang in there and remember....nothing is forever. Love your blog. Keep up the good work. Dianne

Julie in the Barn

I sure can sympathise with your lonliness, Nicole. My hubby worked out of town for 4 years and left on Monday mornings then returned Thursday night (4 day work week). On the 3 evenings he was gone, I ate foods I liked that hubby didn't or fixed what I call a snack plate for dinner...salami,cheese,crackers,& fruit. No fuss, no clean-up. I would spend one evening doing my female beauty regimen (shaving, plucking, waxing, filing, polishing, etc.) with complete lack of interuption. I miss that "me" time these days. I did a lot of reading and my house stayed a lot cleaner. Now that we are retired and together all the time, some alone time sounds appealing.


DH and I lived apart (during the week) for 17 years. I was working so my days were taken care of and between sewing and the computer my evenings were also full. I found that I loved the time to do what I wanted but also looked forward to the weekends when we were together. Then three years ago we both retired and we were back together again. That was also an adjustment but it worked. I didn't cook much when I was alone but I don't cook much now either. I think there is an adjustment period and what both of us learned was that we could do well alone and that we preferred to be together. Good to know.


Hello! I am rather new to this being alone all the time. My husband who is now a trucker over-the-road is gone for 2-3 weeks at a time. Luckily I do have 2 dogs for company. But that does not take the place of human communication. I have always loved the art of quilting and finally started doing it! Yes, it is fun and relaxing but I do miss someone around the house at times. Quilting, as of late has filled many an hour during the day and eve. I also work from home so I really am isolated for days on end.

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