First of all, a heartfelt thank you to all of you who sent me emails and messages of condolence. Your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated, not just by me, but by everyone in my family. This loss was terrible for all of us, and your encouragement and comfort just means the world.
I have found myself strangely numb this past week. Nothing seems interesting or fun. Normal activities are burdensome and difficult. I can't concentrate on reading, I sit in front of tv and couldn't tell you what I was watching five minutes later. Forget about sewing. The effort just seems like it is too much.
So, the strangest thing managed to capture my interest. I was mindlessly surfing the internet and came across a few blog posts by people who keep personal planners (or organizers). I have always liked the low tech approach to personal organization, and am a list maker. One particular planner stood out: the Erin Condren Life Planner. They aren't cheap, but I went ahead and ordered one anyway.
When you lose a loved one, life seems pretty out of control I guess starting a new organization system was appealing because it gives me the feeling that on some level I can manage my life in an orderly and methodical fashion. Psychologically, it seems obvious why controlling anything at the moment would be important.
The package was delivered by Fed Ex three days later. That is the actual mailing container pictured above. How pretty is that?
When I opened the box, this is how the items were presented. You know how I am about pretty presentations. This really lifted my spirits.
Here's my new planner, along with a box of colored markers the company tossed in for free. I thought the title on the cover was quite apt. "And the adventure begins". A positive message for a fresh start. I spent a few hours trying to figure out how I was going to organize the planner, and got out some pretty and fun stickers which I used to decorate the upcoming weeks pages.
This may seem like a fairly mindless pursuit, but honestly, it is all I am good for. And those blank sections are full of possibilities. I will get through this week.
I spent time with my daughters over the weekend, and two of them have these planners. They talked endlessly about stickers, washi tape, and yadda yadda. Hey, if it keeps them organized, who am I to think they are nutty.
I cannot remember much after my mom passed away in May. If this will help you heal, I'm glad you found it. This is the time to give in to your need to mend and press on. Take all the time you need; it really helps.
Posted by: Mary | August 03, 2015 at 09:19 AM
After my Mom passed away in 2010, I was so very lost. She was my best friend and I saw her or talked to her every day. Saying I miss her is an understatement. But I've learned that I had to grieve in my own way and take my time in doing the things I did before, like sewing binding down with her. We would sit and sew binding on my quilts, her at one end and me at the other and meet in the middle. The first time I had to bind on my own again, yeah, the quilt was soaked. So take your time to get back to "normal" (whatever that is), even if no one else understands. Prayers for all of you.
Posted by: Laura Valdez | August 03, 2015 at 09:19 AM
I don't know how you have coped. I have only one sister and she is not well right now. I don't know what I'll do when the time comes.
Posted by: Chris H | August 03, 2015 at 10:37 AM
Oh Nicole, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Can't imagine what it would do to me if I would loss my brother I know a part of me would die, too.
I hope your new organizer helps you a bit to deal with it it's a really cute one. 1000 Hugs:-)
Posted by: Hildy | August 03, 2015 at 10:41 AM
And so now your "new normal" begins. I am so sorry for your loss. I made 100's of hourglass blocks when I was grieving the loss of my husband. It's been almost 8 years, and so far, I've got 2 pillow tops stitched together. One day they will become a quilt. Be kind and gentle to yourself, there is no "right" way to grieve or any given timeline. Just let it wash over you when it hits, then pick up and carry on. And yes, time softens the hurt, but there will always be a little space in your heart for her!
Posted by: Sharon | August 03, 2015 at 11:16 AM
I hate that numbing feeling so am happy to hear you at least have some something that seems like it would be helpful to you. I've been eyeing different planners and that one looks like a good one. As always love how you show everything, you're such an awesome blogger....hugs :)
Posted by: Anita | August 03, 2015 at 11:36 AM
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Nicole. I hope you continue to find little distractions to put small smiles into your life until you become adjusted to your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Posted by: Michele | August 03, 2015 at 11:54 AM
A life organizer seems like the perfect Rx for the week you find yourself adjusting in. The bonus it actually makes you smile... who wouldn't when you see those cute little embellishments!
Whenever I have found it hard to put one foot in front of the other... I have relied on lists so I can mark things off. Baby steps to move forward knowing your sister loves you so much.
Posted by: Sinta | August 03, 2015 at 01:49 PM
When my mother died, it was honestly a huge relief. She had Alzheimer's and was miserable. I was sort of shocked when I went into a several months long funk afterward. Death of a loved one can take it out of us on many levels. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you make it through this time as smoothly as possible.
Posted by: Diane | August 03, 2015 at 03:10 PM
That planner looks great, and just what you need, great idea! Something else you may enjoy are Adult coloring books. Maybe you and Eva can color together, her in her books and you in yours. Being a quilter I think you'll love the designs that are out there. Here's a link.
http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Coloring-Books/e/B011OD1P7I/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1438643195&sr=1-2-ent
I'm thinking of you and your family every day.
Posted by: Thelma | August 03, 2015 at 04:10 PM
Eva will help you I am sure. they can make you smile just watching their play and innocence. keep life simple for yourself for a while. I just keeping thinking about you and it makes me so sad. My sissies are such an important part of me. Take care of yourself Nicole.
Mary
Posted by: Mary Kastner | August 03, 2015 at 04:34 PM
If it helps you get through the numbness then it must be a good thing! The planner is cute & allows you some mindless entertainment to pass this difficult time. I've been thinking of you & hoping you're being gentle with yourself. Everyone is different & how you heal is unique to you.
Posted by: Jan | August 03, 2015 at 04:45 PM
I am so sorry to hear that your sister passed away. You'll always have the memories of times when you laughed and cried with her and the rest of your family. Memories to cherish forever. Celebrate her life. That's what she would have wanted. Take care.
Posted by: Norine | August 04, 2015 at 01:03 AM
I am so saddened to read of your loss. I too hope your memories will give you the strength the heal. I hope the new tool helps in some small way. Having a plan always seems to make things better.
Posted by: Sue | August 04, 2015 at 05:11 AM
Big hugs as you put one foot in front of the other and manage to move forward thru these early days of grief. That's what it takes to work thru the utter sadness of loss (along with a box of Kleenex). This new planner looks like helpful fun and a good place to start and what a pretty package.
Be good to you, my friend.
More hugs
Posted by: Barbara Anne | August 04, 2015 at 05:47 AM
Sending a big hug your way, Nicole.
I am a list maker, too and I love pretty things. Combining a necessity with style, why not?!?
Posted by: Jeanna | August 04, 2015 at 06:44 AM
I'm glad you found something new and interesting to do. When I lost my nephew things were different, but life became a new normal. Give yourself time. Hugs to all.
Posted by: Miss Jean | August 04, 2015 at 12:27 PM
You have given me so much joy through your blog...it's one of the things that is helping me to heal after my loss. So I hope the planner - and the love of those you know and those you only know through this online connection - will be a bit of help.
Take care and know that so many, many people are holding you close, even from great distances.
Mary in San Diego
Posted by: Mary Curran-Downey | August 04, 2015 at 02:32 PM
I just lost a brother, very unexpectedly. We have his memorial service this Friday. And strangely enough, I, too, have just gotten a new planner! Just this week! I went with Plum Paper and am enjoying figuring out the best way to use it. It is a nice diversion.
Posted by: Susan | August 06, 2015 at 01:30 AM
Nicole, I'm so, so sorry about losing your sister. I cannot even imagine the sorrow. I was away, and behind on blog reading, so just read the sad, sad news. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Just take one day at a time . . . and some days, one minute at a time. Hugs!
Posted by: kshackabq | August 06, 2015 at 04:19 PM
There are a lot of videos on youtube of different things erin condren fans do with their planners. If you really want to go wild, check out theresetgirl or theplannersociety on instagram. Even if all you do is enjoy the eye-candy, they do marvelous things. What a great idea to help you get through your days. Anything erin is definitely a pick-me-up. You're still in my prayers.....
Posted by: Robin Chapa | August 07, 2015 at 05:58 PM
I wish you all the best in moving forward and finding some kind of solitude with your new organizer. I am so sorry to hear of your sister's passing.
Posted by: patty | August 11, 2015 at 07:09 AM
Your new planner looks like a nice hobby and distraction. Totally understand your need for a sewing break . When death comes to a loved one our feet seem to be thrown out from under us. Know I continue to pray for you and your family.
Posted by: Beverly | August 11, 2015 at 12:06 PM
Thinking about you this week. My Dad passed away 9 years ago yesterday and I remember it as if it just happened. When days and weeks had passed afterwards, I remember that friends stop asking how you are. I recall thinking that I still wanted to talk about losing him and how hard it was, how that veil of grief comes over you without warning because somehow talking about him made me feel as if it never happened.
I know your life won't be back to normal because there will be a new normal going forward but I do hope you get comfort from knowing many care about and are concerned for you.
Take good care of yourself... remember to eat even when you don't feel like it and take your rest when you can. Hugs to you and your family!
Posted by: Patty Fowl | August 11, 2015 at 06:40 PM
We miss you.
Posted by: Carol Beasley | August 13, 2015 at 04:22 AM